He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
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