i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
