I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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