New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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