I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
