the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
