living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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