Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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