i just wanna soil my oats bro
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
