this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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