Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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