Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
