i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
