I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize
