Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
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Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
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There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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