i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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