proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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