Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
