I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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