somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
