I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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