didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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