Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
