I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
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