3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Randomize
