My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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