take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
