Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
