hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
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I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
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He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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