it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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