My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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