i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
