He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
And then the night went full on bisexual.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
