Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
