I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
