Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
