What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
