I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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