I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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