grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize