Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
