I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
