Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Randomize
