I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
