she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
