hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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