Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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