Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
