He is such a slut. More and more my type.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
