I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
