i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
two words: eviction party
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
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i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
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He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.