Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
