my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Randomize
