True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
