I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
