you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
