There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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