I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
