we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
