i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
