Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
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